Everybody that knows me in the slightest knows that I'm a huge Hoodie Allen fan. I go to his concerts when he comes to Pittsburgh, I've met him a handful of times, and I have his lyrics tattooed on my arm. But what's the deeper meaning behind this love for him?
My junior year of college, I wasn't in a good place mentally. I felt very alone. I hated high school and a lot of the people in it. I hadn't dated anyone in awhile, and I started to feel very insecure. I didn't want to be alive anymore. One night, I was home by myself, and that was the night I came the closest to taking my own life. However, something stopped me. Something in my head said, "Good things are coming your way. Don't do it." That night, I just toughed it out and cried all I could until I felt better. A few days later, I found out I was seeing Hoodie for the first time in concert that next week.
The first time I saw Hoodie was one of the best days of my life. I met him for the first time, and I remember hugging him at the merch table and just bawling due to what happened a week before. That night reminded me what it felt like to be alive.
As mentioned in one of my other articles, my mom and I have gone to see Hoodie together a total of three times. The best Hoodie concert with my mother, however, was on the Happy Camper tour back in 2016. A few months prior, he released a new album, and my new favorite song by him, King to Me, was on it. That night, my mom and I experienced King to Me live for the first time. I cried front row like the true VIP I am. I knew from that moment on that King to Me was going to be my song.
Fast forward to September of 2017. I'm now a junior in college. I called my mom to tell her Hoodie's newest album had gotten a release date and he dropped tour dates, and that, of course, I would be going to see him in Pittsburgh once again. I knew she wouldn't be able to go since she was in the hospital. However, she was still extremely happy for me. I promised to tell Hoodie she said hi.
A few weeks later, my mother passed away at the age of 54. I was absolutely devastated. I had just lost my best friend, and I didn't even really get to say goodbye. I kept blaming myself. She would never see me buy my first home, get married, or meet her first grandchild (which would obviously be a dog). I was in a rut for a long time, and I honestly still am. I don't think you ever recover from a parent passing away.
November 17th finally came, and it was the day I could see Hoodie again. I knew everything would be better today. I camped out the night before, and I was definitely ready to enter the venue by the time the morning rolled around. Some time during the afternoon, Hoodie came out to take pictures with the first in line crew (yours truly and her new friends) and he talked to us for awhile. My friend Hope pulled him to the side to talk to him in private, but I saw nothing of it since fans do that with him all the time.
A few hours later, we got let into the venue. Hope and I were the first ones in line to meet Hoodie. She got her merch first, and while I was waiting for her, Hoodie snuck up behind me and let out a "hey, what's up?" and had a huge grin on his face. Witnesses also said he was running over to me saying my name over and over, so I knew he was up to something. We took our pictures and got into the pit.
The concert finally started, and I knew I was in for something, I just wasn't sure what. A few songs in, it happened. I heard the first few notes of King to Me. I instantly started bawling. All my friends started yelling my name. I have never felt so much love in my life. Turns out Hope pulled Hoodie aside to tell him about my mom and how much hearing King to Me would mean to me. He said he would see what he could do. It was only about 30 seconds of the song, but I don't think I've ever been more thankful for anything in my life before.
My mother had been talking about getting matching tattoos when she was still alive, but I chickened out. I hate needles, and I heard that getting tattoos is extremely painful. When she passed away, though, I knew I needed to get a tattoo dedicated to her. I started planning the tattoo a month after she passed away, and on February 25th, 2018, I finally got it. I got the lyrics "when you get down, I'm gon lift you up right now" on my left bicep, in Hoodie's handwriting. Of course, they're lyrics from King to Me. I've mentioned it before, but these lyrics completely exude my mother and everything she was about. She was always there for me through everything. I knew I wanted to get Hoodie lyrics to represent her too, since we both loved him so much.
