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  • Writer's pictureSammie Stewart

remembering barbara anne stewart

Music can help us through many things. It can help us feel motivated, help us feel pumped up, and help us feel happy. Music has helped me in many ways, but the biggest thing it has done for me is helped me through my mom's death. As many of you probably already know, my mom tragically passed away in 2017. As I'm writing this, it's Mother's Day. This holiday only gets harder as the years go on.


If it wasn't for music, I don't know where I'd be right now. Music is like a form of therapy to me. It was there for me when no human being was. Artists such as Harry Styles and Hoodie Allen (while he's a horrible person, I will admit his music at the time helped me greatly) helped me more than they know. I remember being so depressed after my mom passed and not wanting to continue living. I wanted to be with my mom, and if that meant killing myself, so be it. But the music brought almost a comfort to me; telling me that everything would be okay. The song "Sign of the Times" by Harry Styles is a great example: the lyrics "just stop your crying, it's the sign of the times..just stop your crying it'll be alright" brought a lot of comfort to me. This track is actually about a mother dying, so it was also relatable in that sense.


The short 20 years I did have with my mother were well spent. I was very grateful that we both had a love for live music, as we attended many concerts together. It was painful (to say the least) when she was admitted into the hospital and couldn't go to shows with me anymore. They just weren't the same. I didn't care that I was a young adult that genuinely loved hanging out with her mother, because my mom was one of my best friends. I knew I could go to her about absolutely anything and she'd be there to listen. On the flip side, she was just a fun person to hang out with. We were super similar personality-wise, so whether we were at the mall or at a concert, she matched my energy. She didn't look at me as "weird" for crying at a One Direction concert at the age of 18, she saw it as normal because Zayn was no longer apart of the band.


To conclude, my mom was my rock. She was my role model, my best friend...I could go on forever. She was one of the very few people that genuinely GOT ME. She understood me through and through, and that's one of the many things I loved about her. Tonight I came across an old video of mine on YouTube. The video was taken at the Boys of Zummer tour, and Wiz Khalifa was on stage performing "See You Again." If you listen closely, you can hear my mom singing along to the words. Here's the link to the video to anyone that's interested in watching it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MJ5dj1SXMhY


I miss you every single day, mom. Happy Mother's Day.



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